First I want to start this post by saying this may be offensive to some people (trans* or otherwise) and I’m sorry if it does offend you. However this is my personal opinion and in no way reflects the general population. In addition if you have any questions or comments please feel free to comment. 🙂
Whew! now that we got that out of the way…
I have people on almost a daily basis tell me how “brave” I am for what i “must be going through” with my transition and how “strong” I am to have “made that choice”
On one hand I appreciate that many people can tell that it is not a happy go lucky cake walk. But on the other, I don’t really like to be applauded or admired for something I am simply doing to survive, and to make my life better.
I take a shot in my leg once a week so that my body can finally match what I have always seen in my head, and match what I’ve always felt in my soul. What about that is brave? It is survival. I do this, because if I don’t; I become depressed, I suffer from social anxiety, extreme dysphoria and self harm tendencies.
Again I will say, it is not easy. Its not always fun. People can be cruel when they don’t understand. People can be stupid when they don’t understand. But I don’t feel like what I am doing should be viewed as anything other than what it is, a medical process to help my life and my own self image become more cohesive.
I have such a hard time responding to people when they tell me how “brave” or “strong” or “how much of an inspiration” I am. I usually respond with “well, its really not that big of a deal. Its just what I have to do to be healthy and happy” because really how else can I explain this?
I know that transition is different for everyone who walks down this path, and by and large for everyone I believe, it always become something more than just a means to an end. It is a part of us, we will always be in some sort of transition. Because of this I think it is something we (being myself and a few others I know) being to count the transition process, as part of regular life. It is just something that will always be happening. So why make a big deal out of it?
I feel like I’m just rambling now, so readers; response time: what do you say when people “applaud” you for your transition? or tell you how “brave” you are? and ally peoples: if you’ve ever told a trans* person that you think they are “brave” or you admired them, why was that?
From S to J 
Judah, I think when people are telling you that you are brave or courageous they are responding to their own inner feelings and sometimes gross lack of bravery. People want to pat you on the back and support you but it’s not always easy to know what to say. As for bravery and courage, everything we do and every choice we make requires it to some degree. For many of us we are stuck in a rut and too chicken to move beyond what we know is safe and easy. When we see you and what we perceive as a difficult choice we see bravery because we know what you are going through is not easy. I hiked a little over 100 miles on the A.T. and lot’s of people said I was brave, others said I was crazy. Mostly people wanted to find a way to say they admired what I did. I thought it was a cool vacation requiring no special congrats but others don’t see it that way because it’s not their thing. Just always remember that the people that are kind enough to comment in a positive way are the people that usually have your back and just want to encourage you. Love ya, Judah and I will always have your back.
Carol
I will not lie, the first few decisions (coming out to my parents, changing my name, and taking that first shot) were scary as hell, and required a bunch of courage. But now, its just daily life for me, I guess I just have a hard time understanding how living my life is considered much more courageous than others. Most of the time I consider my shot a medical treatment. So to me its a lot like someone with diabetes (its easy for me to relate to that because my roommate is diabetic), I’m just like anyone else I just have to take a shot once and a while to keep me healthy. Maybe its not quite the same, but I guess what I’m getting at is I don’t want “special treatment” because I happen to be a little bit different. I just have trouble knowing how to respond when someone wants to recognize me for being different.
anyway, thanks for having my back Carol! and I love you too 🙂
I completely understand. I’m not going through your kind of transition but can still relate. For the longest time I hated what I did for a living. I had everything I really wanted, other than the career I loved. So one day I woke up, told my wife I wanted to move away and buy some land and start a homestead. Crazy I know but she just laughed and said if it’s what you really want, ok. Next thing I knew, I had quit my job, sold my house and moved 400 miles away. Now I live in the country, have land, creeks and plenty of room for a homestead. People look at me like I’m crazy/brave! They make remarks like man you sure are brave to take on such a challenge like farming…I just look at them and smile and say, “who needs bravery just to survive?” I come from a long line of farmers, this is what feels natural to me… It feels so good when things finally seem like they fit. I don’t think the carrying out of what you chose is brave, but making the choice…..I can see where some people would see a huge choice like that as “brave”. Some people may relate that to their own life and think, “dang, i could never do something like that” or “dang, I wish I had the guts to do that”.
People say that about me picking up and moving to california, and I again have no idea how to answer them…I just did what I needed to do. I guess I understand how people can view what I am doing as “Brave” or “strong” but I guess to me its just like breathing, I just have to do it. Now coming out? telling my parents that I wanted to transition? that was brave, but I guess I feel like the worst is over and I am much happier now, so its not as scary anymore. I’m sure you can probably relate to that feeling as well, kind of like ripping off the bandaid lol…the worst is over, and so I don’t feel like I’m being brave anymore.
Thanks for your comment 🙂
Listen Judah, taking shots is brave! I HATE shots. LOL. Rachel used to take shots for growth hormone because she was born with Turners Syndrome. She cried, I cried…it was terrible. When the drew blood every three months she would pass out, turn green and throw up. She did her first blood draw recently without any drama! I told her she was very brave. hee hee