An Eye for an Eye never evens out

I’m a pretty lucky guy. I live in one of the most trans* friendly cities in America. I have access to all the resources I need to transition at very little to no cost to myself. I consider myself to be extremely blessed by the family and friends I have around me, who support and love me on a daily basis. I have a job where I can be open and proud about being a trans man. I don’t experience discrimination on a daily basis from people around me, and I have never had to worry about my safety because of my gender identity. I will say it again, I AM EXTREMELY BLESSED.

Even so I have experienced discrimination, both as a trans man and previous to my transition as a lesbian.

Since coming out (the first time 4 years ago as a lesbian, and again 1 1/2 ago as a trans man) I have been called a “Fu*king dyke”, a “damn homo”, an “abomination”, a “fu*cking tranny” and even a “faggot”, a “he-she” and “shim”. I have been accused of “damning” someone to hell, and of being a “pedophile” (that one hurt especially badly because they had no grounds to accuse me of that, plus that is disgusting).

I have heard my fair share of homophobic slurs dropped my way and directed at people I’m with.

I am often asked a series of invasive and extremely personal questions about biology, my body and my gender identity.

Even though many “straight” people have tried to “save me” and have thrown bible verses at me, and told me “I just haven’t met the right man yet”.

I still consider hate towards the straight world to be just as wrong as the hate they put towards us.

There is an unfortunate trend I’ve noticed growing in my community towards straight people, whether they have said anything discriminatory or not. I’ve heard people using the term “breeders” in a derogatory manner towards straight people who happen to come into one of our gay bars or clubs. I’m starting to hear it more and more often, and it upsets me deeply. My thoughts on this are first, you cannot fight hate with more hate it only serves to fuel the fire. And second, why would you hate on a straight person who is open minded enough to walk into a gay bar? Even if they happen in by mistake, and even if they make some close minded stupid comment about “homo’s” does that make discriminating against them right? is it going to heal the pain straight people have caused you? no.

If I responded in a close minded way to every person who asked me an offensive question, or made a stupid comment no one would EVER learn what is or is not appropriate to say or ask.

Granted I am not saying that every close minded asshole out there should be excused for their poor behavior. Absolutely not! Nor am I saying that anyone should put themselves in an unsafe situation by allowing someone to be rude or abusive to them.

What I am saying is, if we want to be accepted as a community with open minds, lets not make ourselves look close minded by shutting out anyone who is “not like us”. Equality goes both ways.

I am also saying that everyone deserves a chance to learn, if they don’t want to hear it, or accept it, that is their personal problem. But writing off every other person because a few people have been rude to you is not the way to live a life of acceptance and mutual respect (which is what equality should be).

again I will say we cannot fight hate with hate, we must meet hate with love. and if you need a better reference to love, check out my previous post: Choose love.

No two people are the same but we are all human and deserve to be treated with respect.

Choose to love those who hate on you, especially after they (or you) walk away, you never know who is listening to what you are saying and who knows? your words have the power to create a new ally or destroy one.

I know this concept is not a new one, and I also know first hand it is not easy, I have been the worst offender at times. But I truly believe this is the only way we will ever reach true equality.

What are your thoughts? What have your experiences with discrimination been? and how have you handled them?